"How to Be a Good Liberal" 1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists or Iranian radicals.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
6. You have to be against capital punishment, but for abortion on demand – in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
7. You have to believe that private businesses create oppression whereas governments create prosperity.
8. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
9. You have to believe the NRA is bad (because it supports certain parts of the Constitution) whereas the ACLU is good (because it supports certain parts of the Constitution).
10. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
11. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than George Washington, U.S. Grant, or Ronald Reagan.
12. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't (well, because the right people haven't been in charge).
13. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionality protected but public displays of the 10 Commandments or manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
14. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
15. You have to believe that trial lawyers and actors are selfless heroes whereas doctors are over paid.
16. You have to believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous than the HIV virus.
17. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature whereas loony activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
18. You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+ cable television channels can't deliver the quality programming that PBS does.
19. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but liars, cheats and sexual deviants sholud be in academia, entertainment and cavorting in the Oval Office with a young intern.
20. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate while being more affected by yuppies driving SUV's.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists or Iranian radicals.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
6. You have to be against capital punishment, but for abortion on demand – in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
7. You have to believe that private businesses create oppression whereas governments create prosperity.
8. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
9. You have to believe the NRA is bad (because it supports certain parts of the Constitution) whereas the ACLU is good (because it supports certain parts of the Constitution).
10. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
11. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than George Washington, U.S. Grant, or Ronald Reagan.
12. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't (well, because the right people haven't been in charge).
13. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionality protected but public displays of the 10 Commandments or manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
14. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
15. You have to believe that trial lawyers and actors are selfless heroes whereas doctors are over paid.
16. You have to believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous than the HIV virus.
17. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature whereas loony activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
18. You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+ cable television channels can't deliver the quality programming that PBS does.
19. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but liars, cheats and sexual deviants sholud be in academia, entertainment and cavorting in the Oval Office with a young intern.
20. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate while being more affected by yuppies driving SUV's.
